This xmas

hiie peeps, is this look better? i got a feedback that my previous template was not reader-friendly so yeaps changed it :} anyways do help me click yas!

 This xmas is quite different for me, every year xmas by with me feeling altogether...indifferent although i know it's a supposed to be a joyful occasion in which christians are celebrating Christ's birth. Not until this year youth conference did i truly experience something different. I came to really understand what it means to be a christian.

Christian; just believe that Christ died for me is good enough

Thats a BIG misunderstanding...its more than just that. I shan't explain much cause im still coming to understand and i do not want to mislead you peeps who are reading this post. Just misleading alone does God an injustice.

whys this year is different for me?

1. i finally came into decision on where's the church i'd want to develop myself in after 4 years of struggling with my own decision 
2. This year, i fully came to accept Christ as my Lord
3. This year.... i lost that dead feeling which 'living by my own rules' gave me when i decided to step out of it and follow Christ.
4. Im extremely thankful for Christ who came down from being up there with God, to earth...just so i can have this chance to get myself out of this mess i am in when i lived by my own thinking.
5. After every mental breakdown... somehow, i will  smile and press on... i know this does not come from me naturally cause every time i face such pain... a prayer calms me down and a sense of relief and 'determination' gets me to think positively. God's always faithful and besides that He allowed me to have lovie... a person whose there as well to be my wet blanket and moral support to get back up...most importantly to show that he's here, he loves me and he's here for me and that im not supposed to face such a pain without him here ♥ 
6. This year.... someone whom i dubbed precious though never met had passed on...and i dunnoe how am i supposed to react to this matter...its really something that's alarming in me cause i really can't tell what am i supposed to do myself even though im not related but... he means alot as he's someone who brought lovie to this world and raised him well.
7. this xmas marks the 1st death anniversary.

Now you guys might be wondering....God's unfair right? take somebody so precious away on this day... I doubt so....i sway back and forth thinking whys, whys had he have to pass on. There's always a meaning to everything God does, im still trying to find whys so in this matter. Cause, i want to not only bring myself out of this sad case , i want to bring lovie out of this with me as well, to see the greener side of this.

That aside.... during Xmas caroling session today, Pastor's short massage brought about something special for me....in this world everything else has short term happiness, once that origin of happiness is gone...normally so does that joy you receive... However, the 1 joy that's endless comes from God...(HUH? WHAT YOU MEAN?)...


hahahahhax, im still trying to uncover this myself but there are ppl who received this joy!!!

When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great  joy- Matt 2:10

This referring to the wise men when they finally found about Jesus' birth. No matter what happens...there'll be this joy that He will give you to last you through this lifetime, even with the heartaches and all, this special joy will be there to keep you pressing on...thats what i believe. So i want to find and receive this special joy... I do hope lovie will find this too. My prayers will go to him this coming days as he searches through his mind as well.
btw, the sweater which i am wearing cost me $28, bought from city plaza ( paya lebar) @ level 3 at a shop; skim 

O LOVIE: Hiie lovie, now where are you ? still at the hospital:{? sick till cant talk or stuff :{ im really worried! i wondering is it because you have not been to japan for too long and now the cold's getting to you, i know you were already previously down with a bad flu and sore throat! i didn't apprehend it'll be this bad! come on, pls a little be of news to me pls pls pls :{! and pls God, take care of him which ever hospital he is in!